DEATH: he’s one cool dead guy. He once left his post to join a rock band and ride around on a motorcycle! Also a FACT! He also only ever speaks in CAPITAL LETTERS. There would be no ghosts without DEATH. DEATH is KING of the Spooky. So he had to be in attendance, carefully eyeing those who passed, eagerly awaiting his next victim. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Harbinger of Death.

With all the mice and rats that live in Tube stations, DEATH OF RATS wasn’t going to be far away. Not quite as cool as DEATH, but he does only SQUEAK in CAPITAL LETTERS. In the supporting role as the, erm, Harbinger of Death (of Tube Mice and Rats)…

And no West End show would be complete without the Chorus Line. Ladies and Gentlemen, PacMan Ghosts make a cameo appearance in the Gate of Ghouls as, err, Ghosts.

For a full cast list and synopsis of the show, visit Knit the City’s Gate of Ghouls

Thank you DeadlyKnitshade for letting me use her photos. My camera is almost as old as the Viennese Waltz!

St Clements…although not the most exciting one (surely Old Bailey would be the best), I didn’t quite expect it to be so shockingly…drab! Imagine my horror when, on the day of the reccy, I walked passed House of Fraser, turned the corner into St Clements Lane, saw a beautiful church at the other end, and was then told that, actually, that gorgeous place was not my church…but the dirty building that I was currently standing outside of was! I held out for a beautiful church yard round the back…alas I was disappointed further, when I saw the two graves and the patio tables in a yard that was smaller than my living room!

Oh! The despair! What the fuck was I going to do and where, exactly, was I going to put it?!?!

Being a stickler for thorough research, I headed home and looked for a history of St Clement. Who was he? Why was he a saint? Turns out he’s the patron saint of sailors, and was martyred by being tied to an anchor and thrown overboard. Nice! So I figured, a nautical theme may be in order, and initially I thought of creating an anchor out of oranges, lemons and bells, like a funeral wreath. But where’s the fun in that? Eh?

So one Friday evening, I grabbed some brown acrylic and a hook, and freestyled a ship! Much swearing, frogging and retrying later and I had created a ship! Huzzah!! And my imagination kicked into overdrive…

Next…the mermaid

Then…the sails

But what to do with all those oranges and lemons I’d made for that anchor? Why not have the ship riding on a wave of citrus fruit! Huzzah!

The line from the song? That’s what felt and fabric paint are for…

Mounted on the crest of a wave, et voila!

Now…where the fuck was I going to put it? Fast forward to the day of the yarnstorm, and after surveying all the options (there weren’t that many!) I plumped for the door handle. Death-defying feats ensued, and I risked being impaled on some savage (!) looking railings.

Yarn was hastily tied to the four corners and it was set in place to beautify the piss-stained alley in EC3.

Breakfast was provided by the wonderful people at Coral Bay Cafe, Lower Marsh – the veggie options were more than sufficient! Thank you!! Sufficiently stuffed, my ladies and I headed towards the site, where our hooks, placed there on Thursday and held up by No More Nails, were awaiting our arrival. And thus…

The Web

Comments were made by passers-by who thought it was amazing, and as much as we appreciated their kind words, little did they know that this was only the beginning… Oh yes! Amigurumi was the order of the day and our (rather humungous) web would soon be filled with tasty treats for the Knit the City spider.

The Knit the City spider

So, what had my poor hands created for this? Let me introduce to you The Purple Purler’s crocheted amigurumi:

Lady Love Bug

Poor Mr Frog

A rather alien-looking fly!

Percy the Snail

A rather scared Fairy of Graffiti

Green Fly's little brother, Blue Fly

Teeny Tiny (scared) Totoro

And the result?

Et voila!

But that is not all…there was a tragic love story which made all who heard it weep. Read it at your peril…

 Actually, I did the kidnapping! I became rather dictatorial and made Deadly Knitshade, Blue Stocking Stitcher, Lady Loop, Knitting Ninja and Shorn-a the Dead WORK! I had an RSI. We all had headaches! I lived, breathed and ate brightly-coloured acrylic. I cracked the whip and was very bossy…but it was worth it, right?  

Just some of the sewing...

Tourists flocked to take a picture. Old men in suits took pictures on their phones. Even the Rozzers took a sneaky pic whilst giving Lady Loop a “5090”. We were praised! We were thanked! And it made the sleepless nights and the aches and pains all worthwhile. I didn’t even need my usual dose of Rescue Remedy – the sleep deprivation caused a delirium that no drug could possibly induce!

Lady Loop and the Rozzers

Read the full story at www.knitthecity.com

My capture meant I missed Knit the City’s first TV appearance and group yarnstorm of Covent Garden, and also Stitch and Bitch London’s manly-themed activities for Worldwide Knit in Public Day. However, fleeing to the pub and meeting my fellow artfags over a spiced rum and coke or four (spiced rum is the new Rescue Remedy…maybe!) I was encouraged to part with a rather beautiful fluorescent orange lace panel teamed with a regal purple flower. Talk had turned to the legality of our ventures, so what better place to storm than Scotland Yard.

Okay so no amount of Rescue Remedy, or spiced rum, could make me attempt New Scotland Yard, but this is the historic home of the Rozzers. I got away just in time: the sirens were blaring and I knew that Charing Cross police station had a cell waiting with my name on…and I didn’t have anything left in my bag that I could storm it with!!

In the shadow of the IMAX...

In the shadow of the IMAX, the second knit to be released was witnessed by an appreciative audience of art lovers (well, three drunks drinking warm Special Brew and White Lightning) thrilled to have the opportunity to see art in motion. Not exactly in the vein of Pimpernel, but the result was what mattered, right?! A knit was freed!! 

The knit in all it's fabulous glory!

  Do let me know if you see this beautiful piece…it was pretty fabulous!

Patiently, I twiddled my thumbs, waiting for the Rozzers to bugger off, not wanting to move as I’d set my sights on a particularly fabulous sign post, and once the cramp had subsided in my overly-twiddled thumbs, I set about adorning this rather purposeful yet dull piece of iron.

Second obstacle…the knitting was too bloody small and the cable-ties were too bloody short!! After some huffing and puffing, I managed to stretch my insufficient graffiti piece just enough, and thus left my mark.

Obstacle the third…I only had a stupid camera phone with me (hunk of junk! Even my dear cousin Pimpernel would think it was outdated!!!) and it seemed that my Rescue Remedy-induced bravado had been for nothing!! The photos were crap; the fear (and Rescue Remedy) had been wasted, and my dear ancestor would’ve been bloody disappointed with my inadequacy! I left dejected, afraid I’d let my partners in yarnstorming down, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would still be there in the morning so that I, on my way to my day job, could capture its glory on a camera that actually works.

And lo! It was there, not nearly as fabulous as it should’ve been, but still! The knit had been released…